Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Onward Christian Soldiers

Many of you are asking if I was truly unaware of my Jewish heritage until the other day. Let me assure you that yes, of course, my statement is true. I had absolutely no inkling of a whisp of an idea.

Now, I first heard an accusation that I had Jewish blood well over a decade ago. And it came up periodically over the years. But I naturally assumed it was just people casting aspersions. You never think something like that could actually be true. You never think something like this can happen to you.

Now it has. (And apparently there's no mistake here, because we've looked into every possible angle.) So I am proudly standing up to embrace my heritage and the fact that, according to the Torah, I was born a Jew... with... Jewish blood flowing through my... own veins.

Thanks for standing by me during this difficult and trying time. We must all try to remember that Jesus himself was a Jew. And Jews are known as "God's chosen people." Perhaps this is God's way of telling Virginians to choose George Felix Allen for Senate. God works in mysterious ways.

Whatever the case, you should all know that I still intend to represent you as a loyal Christian Republican.

Your Son of the South,

Fightin' Felix

Monday, September 18, 2006

Two VERY Successful Debates

My fellow Virginians,

I was at the top of my game today. If you missed the first debate, the Washington Post covered the story more or less fairly for once: I educated Tim Russert on staying the course in Iraq; I explained how, when it comes to fighting terrorism, it is always better to do something than not to do it; and I compared Jim Webb to the French. Most importantly, I put to rest, once and for all, the Macaca incident:

My fellow Virginians, if you don't believe me when I say that Macaca was a completely random word that I made up, let's do a simple test: I want you to clear your mind, open up your mouth, and say the first random nonsense syllables that come into your head. Do it right now.

Now, I'm sure that most of you produced nonsense words--but I suspect that a significant number of you may have produced syllables such as "dar-kee," or "nee-guhr," or possibly "rag-hed." These "slurs" (which I've never heard before and had to research just now on the internet) are bound to innocently and suddenly pop out occasionally. I am being excoriated for something that is completely understandable and excusable.

What's inexcusable is to cast aspersions on someone by exploring their Jewish heritage:

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Thursday, September 14, 2006

We Got One.

My fellow Virginians,

It's been quite a week, hasn't it? I've been on the go, but need to check in with heartfelt thanks to all of my supporters--and some honest to goodness, from-my-knees thanks to the extremely loyal, faithful, and articulate Benny Lambert!

As you might expect, the Re-Elect George Allen campaign has been working around the clock to secure an endorsement from a black politician in Virginia. Well, now we have one. Evidently a few folks can hardly believe it, but every other African American politician in Virginia questioning Benny's sanity won't make it any less true. Face it--we have our black guy. What can the radical leftists and liberal media say about me now?

George Allen is a "racist"? Why don't you try telling that to Mr. Benjamin Lambert.
George Allen is "insensitive to minorities"? Excuse me, we have a black guy here who would like to take issue with that.

Benny has chosen to endorse us because I came through with some funding for Virginia's Historically Black Colleges and Universities. Why did I do this? Because though they are separate, they must remain equal.

Now that I have proven myself a friend to minorities, we have begun to take the fight to my opponent. Some are already accusing my campaign of "going negative early"--but I ask you: Who led us down this path of negativity? It was the left, recording my remarks, amplifying them for all to hear, allowing Virginians to take offense at a multitude of misinterpretations. Shameless.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Pictures of Me and Ethnics

I want to make sure no one misses our newest photo gallery:

Click the picture above to find an enormous number of pictures of me and all sorts of ethnics. Every major group of ethnics is represented. You can check. The two pictured with me above are Indians--Indians who clearly do not hold a grudge against me.

I also learned how to say "Good Morning" and "Thank you" in several foreign tongues, which was a very diversifying and mind-opening experience. I am not saying that I had any problems or "hang-ups" with race or ethnic issues before today, but if I did, they would all be gone now.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Reagan Candidate

I want to address two questions raised by a number of confused Virginians, who have no doubt been misled by our liberal media. The first:

"Why is it wrong for Jim Webb to use Ronald Reagan's words in a campaign commercial, but okay for you to use Ronald Reagan's picture on your campaign Web site?"
Answer: Because if Ronald Reagan were alive today, he would endorse George Felix Allen for Senate. Like me, Reagan was a patriot who knew what it took to be a real American. Both rugged horsemen, we shared a love of freedom, faith, and football. I will proudly carry on the Reagan legacy as conferred to me in the handshake above.

"What did Mrs. Reagan mean when she said Webb's use of the Reagan footage was "very negative"? Her letter almost reads like she's never even seen the commercial!"
To suggest that I would make political hay from a form letter denouncing an ad that Mrs. Reagan herself had not seen, is outrageous. In order to clear up this controversy, Nancy telephoned me last night and asked me to release this statement on her behalf:
I, Nancy Reagan, deplore Jim Webb's ad and approve of everything on George Allen's campaign Web site. I consider George Allen to be "the Reagan Candidate" and do not mind his sudden opposition to federal funding for stem cell research.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Hunter Pickels: A Real American

Hunter Pickels,
American Campaign Volunteer

My fellow Virginians,

Just checking in to say that Hunter Pickels, the young man who tracks Jim Webb for me, is innocent of the scurrilous charges against him.

It is true that Webb advisor Dave "Mudcat" Saunders clearly, calmly, and repeatedly informed my tracker (the red-blooded all-American boy pictured above) that the event was taking place on private property, that the owner didn't want him to enter, and that the police would be called if he did. But Hunter simply assumed that Saunders was lying. It was an assumption made in good faith.

I will not stand by and allow my tracker to be insulted, denigrated or demeaned simply because he failed to "obey" the "law."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Introducing Acacam!

Actually, my fellow Virginians, that's just what I call him. The man's name is Jon Henke. We cast our net far and wide for an experienced, professional, expert blog consultant and we got the real deal. Acacam's going to help me deliver my message of Jeffersonian Principles to Real Virginians who use the internet.

He already blogged this about me:

"George Allen has gotten a raw deal from the press and Democrats on some issues and innuendos."
That is excellent blogging--it resonates with me, and I think it will resonate with others as well. Having my own blogger may already be paying off: for example, Right Wing Nation says "George Allen Is The Man." (They agree with me that, given everything we know, the only coversation we need to have with Iran is one that starts us saying "Launch missiles" and ends with a big explosion somewhere in Iran. I don't know why the President lets Condi run her mouth off so much.)

Incidentally, Right Wing Nation thinks the "only bad thing [I've] done was apologize to the idiots about that Macaca remark." They may have a point.

But what's done is done. At the campaign to Re-Elect George Allen, we are ready to look forward. Now that Acacam has my back I may be posting a little less, but I'll still try to check in with you frequently.

Your Bruiser in the Blogosphere,

Fightin' Felix

Friday, September 01, 2006

Message for the Media

I don't know what else to say. The media keeps hounding me, even though the people we meet on the campaign trail don't actually care if you call someone a macaca. I've already made several apologies, but I now offer one last heartfelt apology to the press. Click as often as you need. I hope this provides the closure you seek.