Thursday, August 24, 2006

My Two-Point Plan for Iraq

Fellow Virginians,

As I give speech after speech on my Listening Tour of non-beltway encircled Virginia, I'm told that many of you are worried about Iraq. I understand your concerns and I always include my strategy for Iraq at some point in every speech. For those of you who haven't heard it, here it is:

"We win, you lose."

It sounds simple, but I'm not kidding. Do we want to win? Yes. Are we trying to win? Yes. So should we keep doing what we're doing? Of course. It isn't complicated; in fact, the simple brilliance of the plan clears up some questions that some folks seem to find a little confusing.

Like, "Should we bring the troops home?" Well, that's not staying the course. What happens if we don't stay the course? We lose. So should we stay the course? Yes.

Trust me: Johnny would rather come riding home in a box than come marching home a loser.

Now, you're bound to hear Democrats throwing around their typical nonsense like "A Five Point Plan for a Decentralized Unified Iraq" and "Reclaiming the Moral High Ground by Declaring No Intent for Long-Term Occupation." But let me ask y'all something: Wouldn't it feel better to crumple up all those plans, put the pedal to the metal, run it up the gut, give 110%, and just flat-out win? Help me help George Bush stay the course. Give me your vote this November.

Your Winner in Washington,

Fightin' Felix


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quite clever. I just hope this doesn't turn out to be affiliated with the "other guy."

8/25/2006 12:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope this is a joke. We can't have that mentality in our Senate now.

8/25/2006 5:51 AM  
Blogger Fightin' Felix said...

First Anonymous,

You are not alone. Many of you have told me my plan for Iraq is quite clever in its simplicity.

On your other point, I can assure you that your fears are unwarranted. I have no unseemly associations of any kind.

Perhaps you were referring to the position opening for a conservative blog consultant that's been reported. That hire has not yet been made.

Second Anonymous,

I can assure you, this is no joke. The United States Senate needs a winning mentality now more than ever.

Your Deputy in the District,

Fightin' Felix

8/25/2006 7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The question is what tactics on the ground are we expecting our troops to employ in order to achieve victory. Another important question regarding Iraq is the definition of 'Victory.' If you want to say that staying the course means fighting until we win, what does winning look like to you? No WMD? There were none. There certainly weren't Al Qaeda there before us, so does winning mean killing all of them? What about power grids and water pipes and those nice new schools and health facilities/ Billions are missing from reconstruction funds (that taxpayer money, sir.) Does winning involove schools and power grids, or not? Stop saying 'stay the course,' since as a Senator, the follow-up is your job.

8/28/2006 2:11 AM  

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